The Truth About Self Care

On my last plane trip to New Jersey at the end of June, I was sitting next to a young mom and her precious 5 year-old little girl. As with every flight, instructions given to ensure our safety were posted on the little screen in front of us. The little girl was watching attentively as if this was a Disney movie,while I decided that this time I was really going to pay attention to the safety rules. WIthin a few minutes came the part where the flight attendants talk about what happens in case of a change in the “cabin pressure” . The airplane safety instructions tell you to put on your oxygen masks before placing a mask on your children. The little girl looked at me and then looked at her mom and with the innocence reserved for a child that age, asked her mom “do we have to remember all this”? I couldn’t help but laugh at this precocious little 5 year old and also think about what a great example of Exquisite Self-Care the safety instructions were. I am sure you can relate. We all experience many different “changes in pressure” throughout our days as parents. Finding a way that makes sense to take care of ourselves first, is a healthy practice that we can extend to our daily lives on the ground!

Psychologists now know that parents, who make time for themselves every day, are happier people and more patient parents, who raise happier children. But what exactly are we talking about? At one of our weekly meetings, I asked the group of moms I am coaching, what were the first things that came to their minds when they thought about self-indulgent activities. The list was interesting: massages, pedicures, bottles of fancy wine, bubble baths, trips to the spa, sleeping in late and maid services. These were all great ideas and I was delighted that they could come up with so many. When I asked them how often they actually get a chance to do any of those, their answer was a resounding: NEVER!

As a parent of a very active and engaged 7-year-old myself, I find that self-care tends to slip my mind every now and then if I am not careful. It has taken a long time for me to realize the importance of considering my needs as part of the well-being of my family. I was raised by an amazing woman who felt that the needs of her family ALWAYS came first. The price exacted by living life from this place of self-less martyrdom, was a huge compromise on her mental and physical health and an incredible sense of responsibility for my mother’s happiness.

It seems like an obvious statement to say that when a parent feels relaxed and less stressed, children feel calmer and tend to be more cooperative. Treat yourself to your own personal “down time,” whatever that might be for you. It will help you to better handle the most highly charged of situations with your children and you’ll become a great role model for them in the process.

For some, this “care and feeding of the soul” could be a walk in nature, while for others it will be enjoying a hobby. It could be dancing with your child to their favorite tunes (you get movement for your health in the process), scheduling that mammogram, calling a friend or drinking enough water.

As I continue to explore what self-care and Exquisite Self-Care is all about for me and the moms I work with, it has become clear that in order for many of us to actually “implement” some kind of a routine of taking care of ourselves, it would have to be embedded in what we already do. I got that idea from the way I have decided to add movement into my life: During the school year, I drive home, park my car and walk to get my daughter from school. I can’t give up half way there or even on the way back because we have to go home. During my day, I park my car somewhere and walk to the pharmacy, to the ice cream store or to the doctor’s office. By doing this, I ensure that I get a little bit of exercise through out the day, because I HAVE to get back to my car! The same applies to my daily routine when it comes to being good to myself. The question is no longer whether you have time to be good to yourself, because you already know what the answer is. But what if I asked you, what is it that you are doing already, that with a little creativity, you could turn into opportunities for self care?

Make it your parenting goal to do the things that help you get centered and assist you in being a happier, peaceful parent. What a wonderful thing to model to your children! Wouldn’t you love to set up the stage so that your children will learn the importance of taking care of themselves throughout their lives? Taking the time to nurture yourself is no longer a luxury: it is vital to being an effective parent. When you take the time to take care of yourself first, you then have the energy to assist your children and others. Remember: you can’t give from an empty cup!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Want to know more about self-care and how to be supported in your parenting? Pick up the phone and call Sandra at the Soulful Parent at (425) 345-4752 or e-mail me at thesoulfulparent@earthlink.net for your FREE initial consultation. You will know in a few minutes if parent coaching is right for you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………