Sunday, February 28, 2010
Our children: Loving what is!
Last week, I was working with a lovely client in my coaching practice and it was clear to me she was stuck on all the negative things her kids were doing. It’s hard to parent from that place, isn’t it? I asked her to recall a particular time when she was happy and fulfilled with her kids in every way. As she moved into that space of remembering all the amazing things she knew to be true about her kids, she was moved to tears. Love is present when you are willing to tap into it!
How do you, as a parent participate in your children’s lives? How do you actually feel about your children? Do you wish they were somehow different? Do you resent what’s going on with them? Do you think they need “fixing”?
The longer I am on this parenting journey, I realize that as long as our kids are not hurting themselves or anyone else, they are likely to be in better shape than we think. Even when your kids drive you crazy, you are more likely to be raising a fine human being than a juvenile delinquent right now! I encourage this mom I was working with to begin to see that her kids came into this world whole, perfect and complete. It’s a powerful practice to allow everyone in our life a safe space to grow, respecting them for who they are, regardless of seeming “appearances” at any given time. This doesn’t mean that you relinquish your responsibility as parents: it means that you allow your kids to experience life, while providing them with guidelines, boundaries and consistency. You are the calm and cool parent your children need you to be!
Let’s give up the idea that our children are “broken” and need fixing: our children are growing and need support and guidance. And you are the best person for the job!
Remember: you don’t get the kids that you want; you get the kids that you NEED!