Parenting like a squash!

In an interesting experiment at Amherst College (Massachusetts), a band of steel was secured around a young squash. As the squash grew, it exerted pressure on the steel band. Researchers wanted to know just how strong a squash could be, so they measured the force it brought to bear on its constraints. They initially estimated that it might be able to exert as much as 500 pounds of pressure.

In one month, the squash was pressing 500 pounds. In two months it was applying 1,500 pounds and, when it reached 2,000 pounds, researches had to strengthen the steel band. The squash eventually brought 5,000 pounds of pressure to bear on the band - when the rind split open.

They opened the squash and found it inedible. It was full of tough, course fibres that had grown to push against the constraining obstacle. The plant required great amounts of nutrients to gain the strength needed to break its bonds, and its roots extended out about 80,000 feet in all directions. The squash had single-handedly taken over the garden space! (Steve Goodier Thanks to WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 25, 2000)

There are times when life seems to hand us more than we can handle, especially when it comes to our children. I believe with my whole heart that YOU are indeed the expert on your children and know them better than anyone. I also believe that you are given the opportunity to grow with the experience to move through the challenges of raising children.

It's a choice: one that we some times have to make day by day, hour by hour and even minute by minute. But in the end, Life has provided us with everything we need to make it through the rough patches and even find the gratitude in the journey. If a squash can, SO CAN YOU!

The Benefits of Gratitude

Have you ever felt in your heart of hearts a deep sense of gratitude that goes beyond just your immediate circumstances but that inspires you with a profound desire to repay Life for what you have personally been given in your life?

And what does gratitude have to do with parenting? The negative thoughts that arise when we are concentrated on the way things should be and are not, can rob us from the joy that our children bring us every day. We need to eliminate our routine negative thinking and labeling of our children before we can actually see the behaviors we want from them.

"Photo by Melita Morgantown"

I know it may sound like a platitude but studies show that focusing our attention on the richness of our experience and saying “Thank You” for even the little things can can be very rewarding. They are finding that grateful people are optimistic and energetic and deal better with stress and illness. Gratitude, in short, can make you happier. But I know you know that. Now the challenge is to actually do it. And there’s really no excuse: especially when you consider your kids are watching.

Truth can set you free and gratitude is not a matter or time or effort: it's possible to move from a life of "surviving" and getting by to one that cultivates a spirit of Gratitude.

When I ask you to consider the power of being grateful, I am not asking you to stick your head in the sand and pretend that nothing is happening that needs your attention. "To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great," Robert A. Emmons (Emmons, R.A., & McCullough, M.E. -2004. The psychology of gratitude). "It just means we are aware of our blessings.

One of the things that I started doing a couple of years ago and found incredibly powerful, was the nightly routine of a gratitude journal. It has evolved nicely into a deeper daily practice that reminds me of how full my life truly is. A good friend of mine gave me a beautiful journal that I decided to use and write 5 things for which I was grateful. It became a profound ritual that brought a sense of closure to every day. Some times, in our quests to be better, or more successful, or more organized, or better moms, parents, spouses, we get stuck in the energy of more, and forget the gifts of now.

Remember: "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." - William Arthur Ward

I know that you are keenly aware of how important it is for us to be the kind of adult we hope your child to become. How do you show up in the world with a sense of thankfulness, not only during the Holidays, but all year around?

Somethings never change... or do they?

"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."
- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

It’s official. Children have always been thankless, greedy creatures. The next time your child says or does something that more resembles the spawn of Satan than the angelic infant you brought home, remember these words of Socrates. Kids are designed to test us and push their limits. It would be unhealthy and more than a little creepy if yours didn’t do likewise.

-Hal Runkel, LMFT author of ScreamFree Parenting

What do YOU do to stay Screamfree? How do you handle your frustration when you are ready to sell your kids on Ebay? I'd love to hear your words of wisdom!!

Own it!

By: Melissa Atkins Wardy

Last night I read an apology posted on a blog belonging to a young television star who is at the center of a controversy surrounding racy photographs taken of her for a men’s magazine. Let me restate that, photographs she participated in, for a men’s magazine.

I’m sure you have heard the whole story by now, but what has really struck me as interesting is how the stars explained themselves, and made a lame attempt to apologize.
I am currently raising two preschoolers, a four year old and a two year old. I frequently feel like a prison guard, controlling riots and breaking up yard fights.

The two year olds’ favorite game to play is “Wild Animals” in which he tackles his sister from behind, sits on her, and bites her hair. Needless to say, my crew issues quite a few apologies back and forth throughout the course of the average day.

I don’t mind that I have ‘high energy kids’, as I like to call them. While I sit here in the quiet of a house when everyone is sleeping, I can honestly say I enjoy the craziness and crack up at the insane situations the kids get themselves into.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself, while scolding the two year old after removing him from his sister’s head, when you say, “Ben! We are not wild animals and we do not bite people on the hair!”

Which brings me to my point – the apology. I realize the boy lacks impulse control. He is two. But he needs to develop some emotional intelligence and empathy towards his poor, saliva-covered sister.

So every time he is a rascal, he has to stand face to face and say, “Amelia, I am sorry I made you feel______.” Hurt. Scared. Slimey.

For the age of two, that is an acceptable apology. Now what if he were a famous 24 year old television actress whose participation in a super sexy photo shoot left her fans, and the parents of her fans, in an uproar? The thing NOT to say is, "Well! I'm sorry if you're offended!" That isn’t really an apology, because there is no ownership of action. Nor is the right thing to do to shift blame, deflect responsibility, or claim you don’t know how it happened.

I don’t know how magic happens, but I do know how young women end up with their clothes off in front of a photographer. I’d much rather hear an apology that is authentic, mature, and demonstrates ownership: "I participated in a photo shoot that I wasn't necessarily comfortable with as it went on, and in hindsight I made poor decisions in what I agreed to wear and how I agreed to pose. These photos do not reflect who I am nor do they show respect to my fans, many of whom are young. I apologize for my actions, and will do better in the future."

When you hurt someone, let them down, or scare them, apologize and mean it. Care about that other person. If my two year old can do it, so can you. 

Melissa Atkins Wardy is the owner of Pigtail Pals – Redefine Girly, an empowering apparel and gift company for girls.

She advocates and writes about issues involving the sexualization of girlhood. Check out her website at www.pigtailpals.com.

You can read her blog at: http://blog.pigtailpals.com,find her on Facebook www.facebook.com/Pigtail Pals or on Twitter at @PigtailPals.

It is time we change the way we think about our girls.