Done yelling & bribing! There's a better way:ScreamFree Moms!

• Does it seems like your 8 year-old’s mouth has gotten out of control and she always has to have the last word?
• Are you in the middle of a battle between your child and your partner that ends up in more and more disrespectful behavior?
• Does it seems like you have tried every book, every class and every tool and still can't get your kids to cooperate?

As a mom of a very active and challenging 8 year old, I know firsthand that many skillful moms like you are doing the best they can to raise
their children in a loving, conscious and intentional way. Moms like you, take very serious the challenge of being effective in loving their
children, caring for their partner, managing a household, balancing work and keeping it all together.

And I know that things don’t always work out the way we want.
When your work is caring for your children (among so many other things) you simply can’t turn your kids “off” until you are not stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. As we move forward on the journey of motherhood, we sometimes find ourselves needing some support, some practical tools to keep on “keeping”

I also know that pretending that we can handle it all alone all the time, with the constant pressures to do it just “right” can not only stressful but simply unrealistic and unfair.

Whether we are aware of it or not, stress affects everything we do especially our parenting.I feel very blessed by the opportunity to raise my beautiful, sweet and sometimes “testy” 8 year old:she has helped me grow my heart in ways I never thought possible. She puts a smile on my face most days and she teaches me a great deal about life. I have to admit though, that she also challenges me to keep cool and calm at times when she is not. I have learned with time and tons of practice, that how I respond (not react) to her can really make a difference on how I experience my journey as a parent.

I have also learned this to be true for the moms I work with:

Change the way you respond to your children and the way your children respond to you changes!.

Do you know what the biggest enemy of your parenting efforts is? It is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs.

Our biggest enemy is our own emotional, unchecked reactions. When I say “I lost it with my kids” the “it” in that sentence is our adulthood. We don’t respond to our kids: we have a huge reaction! Then we wonder why our children have so little respect for us. Isn’t it time to do it different?

It’s time to become

Scream Free!!!

This course will give you the tools you need to shift from CHAOS to CALM!

As a parent coach, trained in Early Childhood and Special Needs, I have learned many tools and strategies to help the families I have worked with focus on what they need to do to have the family lives they dream of. But the experience of mothering challenged me to translate those techniques into practical, concrete strategies that truly work. I had the privilege to test these strategies to find what worked for me so I could build a robust plan for keeping myself focus, calm and connected.

It's time for your parenting to go from SURVIVING to THRIVING!

ScreamFree Moms Teleseminar participant said :" I really liked Sandra. Her personality is very comforting, positive and assuring!"

The Details

We’ll go through 4 weeks together where I’ll share simple and practical ways to really learn how to make meaningful changes to get your parenting back on track.

Each week will include a very short video, pdf course materials, and a password protected Yahoo Group for you to connect with others, get support and share your experience.

Everything is designed to fit into a busy lifestyle! Most of us do not have the time to join lengthy audio classes, watch hours of video or read through pages of text.

We will cover:

Tools to immediately start effecting change at home

How to keep yourself cool and connected

Scripts to use when you are overwhelmed

Effective ways to prevent stress build up and identify your unique stress patterns and triggers.

How to “”switch on your calm response, no matter how stressful the situation you are in.

Gain control of the strongest weapon you naturally have against parental stress: YOU

The course begins September 20 and ends October 11th.

Each Saturday you’ll receive the short, video, pdf weekly course materials, and details to call in for the audio class.

Every Monday evening at 7pm PST/10:00pmEST we’ll get together for the audio class where you can call in by phone.

By Wednesday you’ll get a link to access the recording if you couldn’t make the call. I highly encourage you to participate live but I understand that some times that may not work. I ask that you find some time to listen to the recording.

I know you’re afraid of signing up for this class because you can't imagine how a book and talking on the phone can change the way you parent. You may feel it is too good to be true. You may even wonder if you have time to take the class! But you know what? It’s going to be okay. I’ve been where you are now, and I know the way out of here. So let's walk side-by-side, click on the button that says Buy Now, and in just a moment you’ll be on the road to the solution that makes it all okay.Click the button and let’s get you out of this mess, okay?.

Are you ready to become a Scream Free Mom?

You do need to register soon so I can get you on my class list. There are a limited number of spots so make sure to register early.
*Registration will be open from now until September 20th or until the course is full.

Book Options

Option 1- without book $69.00 Option 2- with book $80.00

NOTE: Your order will show on your credit card statement as Living Out Loud (livingoutloud@earthlink.net)

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me here.

P.S. If you are feeling so overwhelmed that you’re not sure if this will help, I want you to know there are ways…simple, easy, doable steps that will make huge shifts in how you deal with your kids and how you view parenting all together. I’d hate to see you hesitate getting the support you need because of the very thing (stress) that this course will help resolve.

I hope you give it a chance!

Mommy, your belly is squishy and jiggly!

Some times I miss snuggling with my now 8-year-old to watch TV or read a book. From the days when she was a baby, we always enjoy cuddling and having reading time together. As she gets older, those times seem more sporadic than I would like them to be, as she takes piano lessons and participates on Girl Scouts or has play dates after school.

Today, for some strange reason, she was willing to stop whatever she was doing and sit to read with me. Out of nowhere, she turned around and poked at my belly: Mommy, you are kind of round. Your belly is squishy and jiggly!

Yikes!! It's a good thing that I am in my early 40's and somehow have lost the need to fit into the size 6 many seem to think it's the ideal size. I am learning to focus on being healthy more than on looking like, I don't know, Kathy Ireland or Kim Kardashian. At home we do our best to not talk about diets or fat but focus more on healthy eating and the need for some physical activity. We also are mindful of not talking about our own bodies in a negative way.

I have to be honest: I was just a little uncomfortable with her comment and not sure how to respond. I didn't want to put “weight” (pun totally intended) on the weight issue, but wonder what was going through her head. I asked her what she thought of my belly being jiggly: she said she thought it was funny! I told her that my jiggly belly was a sign that mommy needed to get moving more to get her belly stronger. What else could I have said? She didn't think about it again and we continued to read comfortably with her head resting on my “jiggly belly”.

I hope that the fact that I have “real” women of all shapes, sizes and colors, women she loves and who love her very much, offsets the “ideal image” she's constantly watching on TV and on advertisements. I can only hope!

Have you ever had your child make a comment about your weight, your shape or your looks that left you speechless?   

Motherhood = Trial and Error

Do you ever feel like you’re driving on autopilot and your GPS stopped working, so you’re not sure where you’re headed? Yesterday was one of those days for me. I felt that no amount of parenting books or classes or training could have helped me step into my parenting role in an effective way. My back was in serious pain and the Ibuprofen I took didn't help. I had deadlines and work to do and things to do, posts to write, emails to answer.

I had been unpacking boxes and moving things around during the Holiday break. I had also been spending a lot of time writing curriculum for my next Teleseminar, sitting in front of the computer and catching up with emails. Our daughter had started to feel ignored and as any 8 year-old girl she decided to use the technique she has discovered works best when mom is frazzled: guilt!

The dog needed to go out to play and she wanted me to go with her. I explained that I was in the middle of working and couldn't stop. She put her arms on her hips (a common pose these days) and looked me straight in the face and said: You like that computer more than you like me!

What a great opportunity for me, the parent coach, the trained professional to have recognized that her sassiness was a call for one-on-one time more than an act of defiance. Guess what? I failed the test! I turned around and gave her a harsh look and a scolding answer , which guaranteed me the proverbial answer : You are a meanie! as she went crying to her room.

I was sooo mad at her for having the audacity to interrupt my moment of inspiration!

I don't need to tell you that exactly 30 seconds after that thought crossed my mind, I went into full mommy-guilt mode. I apologized to her and at first she didn't accept my apology. I knew I had blown it and my husband had watched it all without saying a word. I don't mind messing up as long as it is in private: that's much easier to do. But I had a witness! I allowed our daughter to have her space to be mad at me and later we ended up making up. That's one of the beautiful things about young children: their innate ability to forgive and move on!

Do you remember a time when you were "less" than your ideal parent? What did you do about it? I sure would love to know!

How to use your energy wisely during the holidays

The older I get the more I realize that my energy really is a form of currency, the same way money is currency: we don't usually have unlimited supplies of either one, especially if we are moms of young children!

So, what does it mean to use our energy resources wisely? If I use the analogy of currency and the use of a bank account, it's clear that we are expected to write checks and use the ATM only if we have put money in the account. Otherwise, we ran intro trouble, right? Many times we are tempted to run on "empty", to go on the red, taking out more than we put in! As moms, we tend to push ourselves, go-go-go and end up feeling depleted. We find ourselves "bouncing" our energy checks!

During the Holiday Season, it seems easier to forget to take a minute, breathe and remember the great opportunity before us for connection and meaning, without overdoing it.

Here are 3 simple ways I have found to help us practice good "energy management":

1. Practice being comfortable with saying NO more than you say yes, especially for socially events that are not meaningful. If you are doing something out of obligation, scratch it off your list.
2. Make sure to surround yourself with people who share their vitality and passion for life. Watch out for energy vampires and other unhealthy people who ride the “take, take, take” train!
3. Nurture yourself in mind, body and spirit: taking good care of yourself will insure you have energy to give to others: get enough sleep, eat healthy foods and limit those calorie-filled, tempting desserts and drinks.

As a mom of a very active 8 year-old, I am aware that these ideas are simple yet not always easy to implement. My suggestion to all of us: baby steps. What a great opportunity to start a new tradition this Holiday Season: taking care of you!

As we approach one of the busiest times of the year for many of us, please take a moment to remember (and practice) The Soulful Parent #1 Manifesto Rule for this time and every time of the year: You can't give from an empty cup!!

Wishing you endless moments of awe and joy! 

Sandra Huber CEO- The Soulful Parent

Chief Encouraging Officer

sandra@thesoulfulparent.com

www.thesoulfulparent.com

P.S.: Stay tuned for more details on our FREE teleseminar in January offering you a great opportunity to set your  parenting goals and intentions for 2010!

I will never do it the way my parents did!

Child: You are the worst mom in the whole entire world!
Mom: If I had ever talked to my parents that way I would have no teeth left!

Have you ever found yourself uttering these words? We are raising our children in a very different world than we were raised. I remember what it felt like to hear the threat of getting “the belt”, so scary that my sisters and I would comply without ever actually seeing the belt. Sometimes, we were “shamed” into submission and humiliated to make us comply with the rules, at home and sometimes even at school.

Today, we are encouraged to listen to our kids and validate their feelings. We are more aware that it is not only about the discipline tools but how they are delivered that shape our kids. The lines between being open and allowing disrespect start to get a little bit blurry.
Do you ever wonder if you are doing it “right” when it comes to raising your own kids? I know deep down inside that I don’t want to parent the exact same way my parents did it. I want to take what I appreciated about their parenting and somehow mix it with this new version of parenting I am learning. But, is it realistic to expect the same instant compliance my parents got out of me, if the method I am using is totally different? It stands to reason that if the method is different the results would be too.

What I know so far is that my child knows without a doubt that she is always good and that her heart is good. That is the nature of who she is. She knows that she sometimes chooses to make poor choices that her dad and I don't approve of but she is ALWAYS intrinsically good. We disapprove of her behavior, not of her as a person. I know so far, she trusts her home as a safe place for her to completely fall apart when she has been holding it together all day at school. Do you ever hear people praise your kids for the way they behave at school and you wonder if they are talking about the same hooligans you see at home?

Don't get me wrong: we have rules in our home and there are natural consequences. My daughter knows how to push our buttons and while she does that, I am reminded that she may be pushing the buttons but she “didn’t install the system”. She knows that her anger is OK with me. It is my responsibility to teach her to use tools to deal with that anger which don't include hurting herself or hurting someone else. It is my job to help her figure out how to navigate those intense emotions and how to find a place for them.

In those moments when her emotions take over and she behaves short of the disturbed the child on the “Exorcist” I sometimes forget and take personal the things she may say in anger. I forget to ask myself; “what is she trying to communicate?”, “is she tired”? “Is she coming down with a cold”? “Is she feeling stressed out?” It all seems to happen so fast.

Have you had the pleasure yet to hear your child say things like “I hate you” or “you are the worst mommy in the world”? It can be a shock to your parenting “ego".In those emotionally charged moments I need to remember that she loves me and that she is a child figuring out the world around her. Yet it still hurts and the words do sting. I have discovered that not “reacting” but instead “responding” to her outburst works well for us. If I remain calm I make sure only one of us is having a melt-down!

Raising children in this new, more open, more balanced way is not easy. It requires a lot more work, patience, and more focus than pulling the “infamous belt” ever would. Do I hear some parents afraid of spoiling their kids or being too soft? Sure. Is this kinder, non-reactive, strength-based approach perfect? Not by a long shot. But I feel privileged for the opportunity to give it a try!