How to use your energy wisely during the holidays

The older I get the more I realize that my energy really is a form of currency, the same way money is currency: we don't usually have unlimited supplies of either one, especially if we are moms of young children!

So, what does it mean to use our energy resources wisely? If I use the analogy of currency and the use of a bank account, it's clear that we are expected to write checks and use the ATM only if we have put money in the account. Otherwise, we ran intro trouble, right? Many times we are tempted to run on "empty", to go on the red, taking out more than we put in! As moms, we tend to push ourselves, go-go-go and end up feeling depleted. We find ourselves "bouncing" our energy checks!

During the Holiday Season, it seems easier to forget to take a minute, breathe and remember the great opportunity before us for connection and meaning, without overdoing it.

Here are 3 simple ways I have found to help us practice good "energy management":

1. Practice being comfortable with saying NO more than you say yes, especially for socially events that are not meaningful. If you are doing something out of obligation, scratch it off your list.
2. Make sure to surround yourself with people who share their vitality and passion for life. Watch out for energy vampires and other unhealthy people who ride the “take, take, take” train!
3. Nurture yourself in mind, body and spirit: taking good care of yourself will insure you have energy to give to others: get enough sleep, eat healthy foods and limit those calorie-filled, tempting desserts and drinks.

As a mom of a very active 8 year-old, I am aware that these ideas are simple yet not always easy to implement. My suggestion to all of us: baby steps. What a great opportunity to start a new tradition this Holiday Season: taking care of you!

As we approach one of the busiest times of the year for many of us, please take a moment to remember (and practice) The Soulful Parent #1 Manifesto Rule for this time and every time of the year: You can't give from an empty cup!!

Wishing you endless moments of awe and joy! 

Sandra Huber CEO- The Soulful Parent

Chief Encouraging Officer

sandra@thesoulfulparent.com

www.thesoulfulparent.com

P.S.: Stay tuned for more details on our FREE teleseminar in January offering you a great opportunity to set your  parenting goals and intentions for 2010!

My love affair with play

I was delighted to have made a new friend on Facebook who has an excellent place for young children to play. It’s called Play Matters and she has a location in Seattle www.playmattersseattle.com

I asked her to be my blog guest and write an article about playing. You'll be seeing the article in the next blog/note I post. You’d think play is a safe topic to talk about both for kids and adults, right?

People that are close to me would say that I am funny, playful, buoyant and curious with a “nothing-is-out-of-limits” attitude. To my amazement (or should I say, amusement?) “stuff” came up for me around the topic of playing. I come to find out that I have a hard time justifying time to play. I guess in a way, I feel guilty about playing.

Here are some of the reasons why I stop myself from playing:

· If I have too much fun sooner or later my luck will change
· I have to “earn” my right to play by getting all my “chores” done first.
· It isn't safe to play – you’ll lose control and something bad might happen
· If I get too silly people won’t respect me and take me seriously

I know logically that all these are all “stories” I have told myself and none of them are the real truth about me or about playing. I figured that we all dream of a life with freedom: freedom to be happy, freedom to explore and freedom to be who we came here to be. As parents, we watch our children doing that and wonder what happen to us.

As I explore my own personal past and relationship with play I remember the way play used to be when I was kid. I remembered that I was only allowed to play freely when my parents and adult family members wanted to have “little ears” out of the way: when they wanted to talk about grown-up stuff. However, I couldn't enjoy much play at other times. Even as a very small child, the idea of play for the sake of play wasn't one I was familiar with: my duties always came first.

I realized last night I have a second chance to learn and enjoy playing. I have a very precocious and active daughter who constantly pulls me into her world and makes it OK for me to find a better relationship with play. When I told her today that I was writing about mommy learning to play again, she looked at me puzzled and asked: “You mean you forgot? How did you forget?”
I guess that is what this blog is about. Figuring out how did I forget and how to reclaim that joy that is play.

How do you find your place in the world of play?

Ready, Set, Go Back!

By Jenny Runkel

Whether your little one is headed to kindergarten, college, or somewhere in between, you are facing that time of year again…the time of much rejoicing for parents and much lamenting for children (and most of their teachers).
That’s right, it’s back to school time. Whether your summer is coming to a bittersweet end, or just a “Thank God it’s over” end, it’s time for you to prepare yourself and your family for the familiar grind of academia.

We’ve compiled a few tips and tricks that will help you stay ScreamFree through that process and hopefully beyond it:

1. Back up bedtime. NOW. 

If your family is anything like ours, we’ve been on the go with vacations, summer camps, and family visits. All of those are great, but they tend to be accompanied with late nights, less than structured days, and a lazy summer mentality.

It’s time to get the kids (and you) used to an earlier bedtime and an earlier morning. Word of warning: Don’t do this all at once. Move your kids toward bed – with a familiar routine – about 10 minutes earlier each night and get them up 10 minutes earlier each day, until that fateful day arrives. Their bodies and yours will be adjusted by then and you’ll be able to skip at least some of the back to school blues.

2. Encourage goal setting. 

Even your 1st grader can be taught about setting goals. This is a great activity to do together. Too often, we set goals for our kids without really letting them in on the process. If our job is to raise adults, we should be giving them more and more ownership over their lives each year. Ask them what they are interested in accomplishing this year. Help them think of possible goals and be sure not to dismiss the ones they come up with. Then talk openly together about what it might take to achieve those goals.

3. Get your house ready for the paper tornado. 

I thought that computers were supposed to save trees and eliminate the paper trail altogether, but my kids bring home more each year. If I don’t have a plan in place for what to do with math worksheets and watercolor octopi, I will be buried alive. First, go through last year’s stuff if you haven’t already. Be brutal and only keep things like standardized test scores and written assignments that really show their personality. Aim to reduce whatever you’ve kept to a small stack that you can put in one file folder.

For the incoming flux, get a small hanging file folder box or even an accordion folder that you keep near the place where kids keep their backpacks. Teach them how to sort their incoming mail just like you do your own. Immediately recycle the junk mail, mark down important dates and events on the family calendar (and toss the paper it came in on), and file the completed worksheets, etc…in a folder with their name on it. Go through it together at the end of each grading period and repeat step one.

4. Give them more responsibility. 

I stopped going through backpacks in about 2nd grade when I reached in and felt something squishy that I swear moved. After that, it was their job each afternoon to take out any papers I’m supposed to see, put their emptied lunch boxes by the sink, and hang their bookbags by the back door.

I know this causes great anxiety in some parents. But remember, we’re striving to create adults here – ones that will be doing this all for themselves in a few short years. Teach them how, let them do it, watch them learn (sometimes through failure).

5. Be careful what you say yes to now. 

You are about to be bludgeoned by requests for this activity and that one. You want your children to experience all that life has to offer, which in our society can mean cub scouts, gymnastics, math clubs, church groups, and playdates (and all of this before they even reach elementary school). Doing everything is just a recipe for resentment. Build in some downtime so that your kids can just be kids.

All of these tips are designed to help you keep your cool as your kids’ school schedule cranks up the heat. Your attitude and demeanor at home is every bit as important to their academic and social success as the school they attend and the teachers they have. So, savor the pool a few more times and then get busy getting ready so that you are all prepared for that first day of school.

Hal E. Runkel, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the groundbreaking book ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool, from Broadway Books and Waterbrook Press. Visit www.screamfree.com for more information.